I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
