Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There's even glitter on my cock...
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