where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
