I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
