He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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