just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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