Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
