My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bring me that man meat
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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