I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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