I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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