my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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