i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
