they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
