You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
