end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
