Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
