bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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