She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
