my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
