he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
