If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
