this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
