i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is my gift to your gina
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
