Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
