Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
