I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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