if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
