I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
