U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
