I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
