it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
