why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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