my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
