Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
