i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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