chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
