god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
