He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This baby is an asshole
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
