But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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