Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
