What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
