Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
