dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
