This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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