when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
how drunk are you?
Several
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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