everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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