I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
