I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
