mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
