No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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