How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
