I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
